Hello again

 

Sorry I’ve been so quiet but my arm has been really painful! So now along with the POTS, depression & anxiety meds I’m now on a whole host of painkillers and being referred to physio. Still basically functioning with just my right hand, but quite impressed with what I can do – including baking a cake!

 

My appointment with my cardiologist is being postponed until I don’t know when so just trying to get by day by day with the help of my lovely boyfriend and family.

 

I know I’ve said it before but I will improve the design of this blog (somehow) or I may get one of my more technical friends to do it!!!

 

I’ve not heard back regarding whether I need to attend an ATOS interview so that cloud is looming over me – trying to do just a 15 minute scheduled worry session as recommended by my therapist & most of the time I’m successful, but other times there is no way on Earth that you can stop thinking! 

 

One cloud that has been lifted is that I’ve resigned from my job. There was too much pressure from them to either come back too soon or face a capability meeting in which they’d have to dismiss me so I took my own option and resigned. Feel such a sense of relief for it. Not heard from them yet, but trying not to worry about that, my parents are kindly fielding all correspondence.

 

It is awful when you go into a career like HR in order to help colleagues as much as possible and be an intermediate between them and the business, but HR is more on the side of the business than ever as I’m sure people have noticed the term “HR Business Partner” is used more than ever and they are used as a strategic force. Much like a big map used in WWII pushing ships around with poles, that’s what it felt like but doing it with people, regardless of their situation. The HR Manager I worked for had no idea about mental illness, a previous HR member had had one and I’m so appalled about what she said to her that I can’t repeat it. The previous two occupants of my role were both driven away by her too. And they actually try to sell themselves as a company who cares! Anyway, rant over.


It is International Happiness Day and ever since I heard that it was going to be today I wondered why we need one day for that?  Why not do something to make people happy every day?


I hated singing at school, I hated hymns, I’m tone deaf and just didn’t like being forced to sing about things I didn’t believe in but this song has stuck with me:

 

Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky

You mustn’t sigh and you mustn’t cry

Spread a little happiness as you go by

Please try

 

What’s the use of worrying and feeling blue

When days are long keep on smiling through

Spread a little happiness till dreams come true

 

Surely you’ll be wise to make the best of every blues day

Don’t you realize you’ll find next Monday or next Tuesday

Your golden shoes day

 

Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky

You mustn’t sigh and you mustn’t cry

Spread a little happiness as you go by

 

I’ve got a creed for every need

So easy that it must succeed

I’ll set it down for you to read

So please, take heed

Keep out the gloom

Let in the sun

That’s my advice for everyone

It’s only once we pass this way

So day by day

 

Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky

You mustn’t sigh and you mustn’t cry

Spread a little happiness as you go by

Please try

 

What’s the use of worrying and feeling blue

When days are long keep on smiling through

Spread a little happiness till dreams come true

 

Surely you’ll be wise to make the best of every blues day

Don’t you realize you’ll find next Monday or next Tuesday

Your golden shoes day

 

Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky

You mustn’t sigh and you mustn’t cry

Spread a little happiness as you go by

 

(whistling solo)

 

Surely you’ll be wise to make the best of every blues day

Don’t you realize you’ll find next Monday or next Tuesday

Your golden shoes day

 

Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky

You mustn’t sigh and you mustn’t cry

Spread a little happiness as you go by

 

So despite my anxiety, fear of leaving the house, fear of meeting other people, etc I am determined to spread more happiness. I already smile at people, apologise (maybe too much), let people go in front of me in queues, try to offer support to anyone but I will up my game!

 

Hopefully my next post will be full of happiness and more plans on what I am going to do with my future.

 

Take care everybody. 

 

J

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